Sometimes Blessings Can Come From Tragedies

The Arkansas Chapter of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is grateful to have Karen Pantello serving as our Board of Director's Chair. In honor of Suicide Prevention Month, Karen is sharing her story of loss and hope.  

"My husband Dean was a strong and calm person who loved God, his family, and Notre Dame football. That is how I want him to be remembered and not by his death by suicide 10 years ago on September 14. In recognition of Suicide Awareness Month, I am sharing my story in hopes of helping others. 

Dean and I have a blended family of six grown children and his death was very difficult. We were all very sad and hurt and had so many questions. I put my own mental health on hold to focus all my attention on supporting my family and transitioning to a new job to limit my travel. I also decided not to share the cause of Dean's death with many people at my company because I feared that talking about his suicide would make people feel uncomfortable. I felt like I had to put on a happy face and not show my pain. 

I went to a therapist and told him, I know that there are five stages of grief and I need for you to help me get through those quickly because I have work to do, kids in activities, a mortgage and I am having a hard time focusing. He told me there is not a project plan for grief and this is going to be hard. He was right. Not talking about my feelings and the isolation of working from home led to anxiety attacks and bouts of depression and I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The diagnosis of PTSD made me feel very damaged and broken but I realized that when I acknowledged my grief and was genuine with my feelings, I began to heal. 

I attended a conference by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) for families and friends who had lost loved ones to suicide. At the conference, I found trauma therapists, research, resources, support, and fellow survivors. I started attending more events sponsored by AFSP and I increased my involvement in the organization. With each event, I found strength and a purpose for reducing the stigma in our society around death, especially suicide. 

Today, I am actively involved in AFSP and I serve as the chairman of the board of directors for the Arkansas Chapter. In my role, I have met with legislators in Texas and Arkansas to advocate for mental health and suicide prevention, I lead workshops and training at schools and community events, and I now lead a survivors of suicide conference in Hot Springs. 

You don't have to go through hard times alone and there are people who want to help you. When you hide your true self and pain, you delay your healing and prevent getting much-needed help. We all miss Dean and I think about him often, but I have found my true smile again through helping others and by being vulnerable and telling my true story. I am so grateful for every day, and I have empathy and love for people who are struggling. I am able to connect with people because they see that I have been through tragedy and survived, I try to give hope and comfort and that is a true blessing. 

If you are struggling with depression or anxiety, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. You are not alone."