Loss of a Sibling

Beth - 'From Beth's Side of the Tent'

Mike was supposed to grow old with me and be an uncle to my daughter. His life seemed great, but it was not perfect. Mike was suffering from depression. He did not know it, or, if he did, he did not know what to do about it.

Mike was a great guy. He was a genuine, caring, loving man. I looked up to him.

Christopher - 'Blue Genes'

In the wake of a family suicide, there is sorrow, guilt, despair—and anger. My reaction to my brother's death was no different; in fact, because of the difficult relationship we had had, it may have been worse.

Susan and I return home from a party. In an unusual show of activity, our answering machine has had eleven hang-ups and one message—from Linda, my sister-in-law. "Christopher," she says, "Can you call me, please."

Debbi - 'Martha'

...we [survivors] get the feeling that suicide victims...are either elusive or transparent to society at large.

My entire body started to quiver. I felt like I was shoved under water, as if water filled my lungs until the very core of my soul was being crushed by the incredible pressure.

Holly - 'Feelings of Love, Pride and Sorrow'

The day I found out that Marc had died was truly the most painful and sickening day of my entire life.

When my mother told me the news, I began to scream in agony. It hurt so much inside that I felt physically ill from the intense sadness and pain. It shot deep down to the very bottom of my soul.

Jeffrey - 'Living with Darkness'

One thing I found and kept was his wedding ring. He had divorced 12 years earlier. I wear it as the symbol of a kind of vow, to cherish his memory as best I can.

There were no clues beforehand, only afterwards: the suicide itself had turned them into clues, working backwards and putting everything in a new light—or, rather, a new darkness.

Lizette - 'Dream Brother'

Miguel was an exceptional student, a gifted musician, a talented recording engineer, a wonderful friend, a loving son and most importantly, an amazing brother.

Miguel was an incredible person. He lived for music—playing it, listening to it, recording it—it didn't matter, as long as it was musical, Miguel loved and was good at it.

Ron - 'The Anger Will Eat You Up'

I went through a lot of anger for the first year, to the point where it was eating me up. That's when I got the professional therapists in and it really worked wonders for me.