Coping with Suicide Loss
Helping Children Cope
Children are particularly vulnerable to feeling abandoned and guilty. Listen to their questions, and try to offer honest, straightforward, age-appropriate answers.
Survivors frequently seek advice about how to explain suicide to children. Here are some suggestions:
- When you have a choice, tell them as soon as you have the news, in a place where both you and they will feel comfortable.
- Reassure them that the death was not their fault.
- Explain that their loved one died of an illness -- a brain illness. For example: "Daddy had something like a heart attack except it was a 'brain attack."
- Resist the urge to keep the suicide a secret out of fear that the child will copy the behavior of the deceased. Just as families with hypertension, diabetes or heart disease are educated about early warning signs and prevention, relatives of suicide victims need to understand the early warning signs of depression and other mental illnesses so they can obtain proper treatment.
- Reassure them that you, together with other appropriate adults will take care of them.
- Let them know they can approach you at any time if they want to talk about it.
- Children may express their feelings by crying, withdrawing, laughing, or expressing anger at you or others. Or, they may not. Simply let them know you are available for whatever they need -- now or at some later time.
- Resume and maintain the child's regular routine as much as possible.
- The greatest gift you can give children is your assurance of love and support. Allow them to express their feelings, answer their questions and provide them with affection.
Adapted from Child Survivors of Suicide: A Guidebook for Those Who Care for Them, by Rebecca Parkin and Karen Dunne-Maxim (see Bibliography). - "Talking to Children about Suicide"
Reprinted with permission from Grief Digest, Centering Corp., Omaha, NE, (402) 553-1200.
The bibliography lists books for children. You might also want to contact The Dougy Center, the National Center for Grieving Children & Families. (See Other Organizations).
